You want us to stop watching porn? Fine. You all stop watching romantic movies!

Originally Posted Friday, November 03, 2006

Good day my children. I know many of you are excited to see the Reverend posting on a regular schedule again! I know I'm excited to be posting!!

Todays topic is, yet again, a social one. It deals with a problem that plagues a number of relationships, and just as bad, a number of individual people. It's a classic debate amongst couples, as old as the industry itself.

When a man reaches a certain age, he starts to amass a collection of magazines, movies, and in this day and age, files on his computer. Though we can all figure out what these items are, i'll spell it out. I'm talking about pornography.

There's nothing wrong with porn whatsoever, just for the record. Everybody's watched it at some point, or looked at pictures, or something similar. It's perfectly OK. Unfortunately, not everybody shares the Reverend's view on this matter. Many people out there, particularly women, consider porn a very bad thing. One of the major reasons women claim it is bad is that they claim it gives men an inaccurate view of how women should behave. Women claim that porn is degrading to women, and that it gives women impossible standards to live up to. To these accusations, I say alright, we'll compromise. I'll give up my porn, when you give up your romantic movies!

When you really think about it, for the most part, these are the same things only marketed to different genders. Porn allows men to watch fantasies about involving (usually at least) women acting in ways most women don't act in real life, except on special occasions of course. Romantic movies, on the other hand, let women watch fantasies about how they'd like men to act in real life. The major difference between the two, is how the watcher applies what they see to real life situations.

When watching a porn, a man knows that deep down, most of the things that happen will never happen in real life. I mean, how likely is it that a hot housewife, wearing a silk bathrobe will call a plumber, and the plumber happens to be a gorgeous female, and the two of them randomly have sex in the kitchen, while simultaneously a beautiful cable repairwoman walks in to the wrong house by accident, sees them going at it, and joins in? I would say almost never. Men, though we still hold out hope, know this never really happens. With a romantic movie, women don't seem to realize that men in the real world don't behave like the men in those movies do, and they expect us to behave that way. Women walk away from a romantic movie thinking the exact same thing men do when they finish up a porn: "why can't my significant other act like that?"

Part of the source of this problem is the same as the source of most other problems with young people today: parental guidance, or lack thereof. An increasing number of families these days are single parent families, and more often than not the single parent is a mother. This means that a child usually has no male role model to teach them the realities of how men behave. While this is still a problem for young boys, it's an even bigger problem for young girls, as they naturally start watching the same movies as their mothers, which are usually romantic movies, and they start believing that that's how all men should behave. This is, sadly, not reality. Women have yet to realize this. And therein lies the interesting conclusion to come to: Men actually react to porn better than women react to romantic movies, because men only hope women act that way, whereas women expect men to act that way, and feel that they have the right to be upset and withhold sex when we don't!

To that notion, I propose these two solutions: the first option is, "If you want us to act like men in romantic movies, then you'd better act like women in Porno's," and the second one is, "We'll get rid of our porn, when you get rid of your romantic movies." Then, balance will be achieved.

"In Nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen."

Original Comments

right on!!! can i get a AMEN!!

Posted by Uncle Rabbit!! on Friday, November 03, 2006 - 5:47 PM

I love romatic movies... I never watch them... but I find they are great for background durring naked time in the bedroom... but then again... I guess anything on in the background works... except of course gay porn... unless its female gay porn... then it still works...

Posted by Brad on Friday, November 03, 2006 - 5:47 PM

Don't forget another major part of the problem . . . no, its not that modern couples don't talk to eachother about anything (even though that's true). And no, its not because couples just assume that they know how the other will act without regularly discussing expectations. Not at all.

Its because its no longer legal to stone women for looking at other men here in the states. I think we are behind the rest of the world when it comes to punishing our women for looking at other men (and this includes on DVD!!).

So, until we fix those laws, we are stuck being held up to Tom Hanks in Sleepless in You've Got Mail or whatever its called.
Posted by Money Burns on Friday, November 03, 2006 - 5:48 PM

Here's the problem - sick lonely men start our watching porn and then after a while that doesn't do it for them anymore...so they move onto child porn...then move onto "preying" on children. Uh-hum...see previous sermon. Serisoulsy - nothing good comes from pornography. Not saying that is what happens with all men, just saying that is where it starts with those sick perverts mentioned in your previous sermon.
Posted by Laurel on Friday, November 03, 2006 - 5:48 PM

I'd disagree with the fact that all women expect men to act the way men do in romantic movies. If that were the case the phrase "nice guys finish last" wouldn't be so painfully true. In fact, I'd venture to bet that the guys who are naturally more chivalric tend to have a harder time finding a significant other and therefore are driven towards pornography moreso than the guys who do act otherwise.
Posted by Special K on Saturday, November 04, 2006 - 2:40 AM

Very provocative - like Jennifer Lopez put on the hot pants instead of the sweats.

ToTB says it all. BIG PICTURE
Posted by Bert on Wednesday, November 08, 2006 - 11:50 PM

I would also like to add to that... I agree, the line should be drawn at kiddie porn... but we need to go ahead and put anything involving barnyard animals on that side of the line too...
Posted by Brad on Monday, December 11, 2006 - 5:00 PM

Hmmm I'll settle for the asshole guy and porn :)
Posted by Jen TJ's mama™ on Wednesday, November 15, 2006 - 2:51 AM

Would you really watch romantic movies if the girl fucks like a porn star? Maybe we can role-play... Rev. Jim and naughty BabyGirl.... what was that about a bad 80's tv show? The Rev. and the stripper???? lmao
Posted by I fucking hate the cold...... on Wednesday, July 18, 2007 - 8:42 PM

My Third Sermon

Originally Posted Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Good day my children! The Reverend apologizes for such a long sabbatical from his sermons, but fear not for he is back! Today, the Reverend writes about a topic that is very important to him, and i'm sure important to many members of my congregation! It's a topic that was big in the media a few weeks, and has since died down, but has been around as long as the internet, and will be around til the internet dies. I'm talking about dumbass grown men that look for young girls online, and try to have sex with them.

What is wrong with these so called "people"? What posesses them to get online and try to find 14-17 year old girls to prey on? Can they not get girls that are their own age? Is their penis so small that only a 14 year old would be impressed by it? Even if what they say is true, and their intentions are not to have sex witht he girls, why would you want to be friends with 14, 15, 16 year olds?? Their idiots! They don't have interesting stuff to talk about! Their in high school, they don't know shit about shit, and most of em wouldn't know reality if it walked up to them and punched them in the face!! But just in case you doubt my truth telling, here is a sample of an actual IM chat between two 16 year old girls:

SwTPrinCesS18: LiKe, OMG! did u c what juli was waring to skool today??
UrLuvBunny5: like, I totally did! wha a lil skank! totally!
UrLuvBunny5: and did u c how she was all up on jasn, that slut
SwTPrinCesS18: siriusly. so, like, whad are u up to 4 tonight?
SwTPrinCesS18: OMG, r u kiddin?!?!!?? the new season of the OC starts tonight!!! LIKE OMG WHAT IS WRONG WITH U????!?!?!?!?!?!?!
UrLuvBunny5: OMG, I LIK TOTALY FRGOT!! IT'S TONIGHT!?!??!! wanna come over and watch it? maybe i can get my brothr to by us sum wein coulers!
SwTPrinCesS18: OOOH, that wuld be sooo awesum! mayb i shuld get him to by em. ur bro is hottt:-p!!!
UrLuvBunny5: like, ewwwwww!!!

Yeah, i wanted to kill myself after reading it too. But, this is a typical conversation between mindless 16 year old girls. I, too, weep for the future.

Back to my point, why would anybody actually want to be friends with these people?? Unless you're a guy in High School who's trying to get some, in which case the rules bend slightly regarding what's tolerable. *NOTE: IT ONLY CHANGES THE RULES IF YOU'RE IN THE LEGAL AGE LIMIT OF THE GIRL YOU'RE TRYING TO SCORE WITH!!!!!

Now that we've established that these guys are idiots, let's establish it some more. I'm sure almost everyone here saw, or at least heard of, the dateline or nightline or crapline report about sexual predators who use myspace/AIM/etc. In case you didn't, I'll sum it up for you:

A bunch of dumbass pervs started talking to young girls on MySpace, who were actually undercover investigators, and when the undercover investigators invited the guys dingleberrys over, they busted em for attempting to have sex with an idiot, or something like that.

The story was so popular that the show did several follow ups very quickly following it, in different areas. And ya know what the pathetic thing was? There were different dumbasses every single time!! Are these people so retarded that, despite several shows in which dumbasses just like them get busted, they still talk to, much less go and try to meet, these girls??!?!?! Congratulations my friends, you officially receive the dumbass of the year award.

Though we can put almost all the blame for this onto the shoulders of these perverts, we can't put all of it onto them. There are two groups that must be blamed whenever a girl actually gets molested by a guy off MySpace/AIM/etc. And no, it's not MySpace. They are to receive 0% of the blame, and anyone who disagrees with me can take up their argument with the sign on the brick wall next to my apartment that says, "This is the part of the Reverend that gives a crap about your dumbass opinion. Now go to a speed evolution class and develop a damn cerebrum like the rest of the species." No, the other two groups that deserve blame are 1: the dumbass girl, and 2: her dumbass parents.

The parents need to be blamed for not keeping a better eye on what their children are doing. These parents should know how to find out what their kids are doing online, and be able to monitor it. If you don't wanna learn how to do this yourself, you don't have to. There are other people out there that already know. In fact, some of them have been nice enough to package their knowledge into something called "Parental-control software." Much of this software, in fact, is available at your local computer store for a nominal fee. If you purchase this software, and put it on your computer, you can moniter exactly what your kids are doing, right down to knowing every keystroke they type!! Is $29.95 worth knowing your daughter's not getting molested?

Finally, the last of the blame must fall on the idiot girl. Why does a 16 year old want to have 29 or 35 or 45 year old guys as their friends?? these people are boring when you're 16. All they have to talk about is their day at work. They have no interest in the OC, or Justin Timberlake's new CD. Why? Why? Why?

As I close out my latest sermon, I have one thing to add for everyone who was mentioned in this sermon. In the words of Carlos Mencia, you are all a bunch of Dee Dee Dumbasses. Good night, and God Bless every one of you. Except the Pedophile Perverts. God says you all can kiss his ass.

"In Nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen."

P.S.: I've noticed that while many people do read my sermons (13 within 5 minutes of my posting it) only a few people tend to leave feedback! Why do more people not leave it? How else can I find out what you, my readers, like and don't like about my sermons? Hell, if there's a topic you want to see me give a sermon about, leave a comment about it!

Original Comments

:( i just wrote a long response and my browser locked up, and i lost it.

nevertheless, great sermon. reveals both the twisted idea of love and the total desire to satisfy oneself w/o regard for others that plagues this world.

i am surprised you didn't mention the related story getting heavy coverage concerning congress"man" foley et. al. it is one thing for "pedophile perverts" to go after young girls, but what about young guys. now that's gross and a lot more perverted.
Posted by Bert on Friday, October 27, 2006 - 12:27 AM

People don't like commenting... I noticed that a long time ago, when I used to post usefull blogs... I think my useless ones got more comments... I should blog that link from slashdot that I posted as a buliten. maybe people will stop bitching about how shit happens to their myspace...
Posted by Brad on Tuesday, October 31, 2006 - 12:37 AM

Love and Marriage . . . necessary, but more is required

Originally Posted Friday, September 15, 2006

My children rejoice, the time for the new sermon has arrived!! Can I get an amen?!?! HALLELUJAH!!!

Today I come before you, my congregation to speak on a topic which has, unfortunately, invaded it's way into all aspects of society. It first started as a song, then an idea, then a way of life, then a goal, but always a lie!! It is the philosophy of Lucifer himself, handed down through the generations, and kept alive by the evil empire of romance films or so called "chick flicks"!!! It is the lie that All You Need Is Love!!!!

Modern youth are raised with the idea that all you need is love to make something work. That is the lie of all lies!!! Love, in and of itself, cannot make two people who are incompatible compatible!! Love does not put roofs over heads and food on the table!! Love does not end fights. It may keep them at bay temporarily, but it cannot end them! Don't believe me? Read on.

The divorce rate in the United States has reached a new high, with over 50% of marriages ending in it. While there are several causes for this phenomenon, one of the primary ones is this notion people have that all you need is love. They keep quoting that throughout crappy relationships thinking that somehow a crappy relationship won't turn into a crappy marriage. But where is the proof of all these "theories" that I have?

If you look at a large portion of divorces nationally, you will find that the seperated couple does, in fact, still love each other, sometimes very much. So if this statement of "love will conquer all" is true, then why is it that these couples got divorced? Why you ask? Because love is not all you need.

Don't misunderstand me, love is absolutely essential. Without love, it will fail, no question about it. But love cannot make a marriage work without all the other essential elements. One of the primary ones is complementary goals! Not necessarily the same goals, but goals that complement each other. For example, if one person in a relationship wants to stay home with the kinds while they're young, and another wants a spouse to stay at home, that is complementary goals. On the other hand, if one person wants kids, and the other one doesn't, that is not something that love can overcome, and those two people have no business getting married ever. Yet people do it, every day, and then wonder, 5 years down the road, why they're getting divorced!!! Strike you as odd? It should!! Yet they never figure it out when it should have been apparent from the beginning of the relationship!!!

So what can two people do to overcome these issues? How can they avoid being another divorce statistic? It is, ironically, one of the easiest things in the world. It's very simple, yet people screw it up all the time. They simply talk to each other! Not only that, but LISTEN when the other person talks, and PAY ATTENTION to what the other person says!! And if the other person expresses a desire out of life that doesn't coincide with what you want out of life, you two shouldn't be together. It'll end in one of the being bitter and resentful because they had to compromise too much.

So what can you take away from this sermon my children? What is the moral of this long ramble? It's very simple. If you're having second thoughts about a person, don't ignore those thoughts just because you love them. You two just might not be compatible. Think about it!!

In Nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen.

Original Comments:

you know what...i agree with you! I mean yeah i'm i loved someone with all my heart and he too said the same lol doesnt seem that way now lol but neway things happened and we still tell one another that we love each other but he has this "obligation" with someone else he calls it bc while we werent together well lol long story either way...if we both still love one another then the whole "love will conquer all" thing would put us together! nope lol either way i agree love isnt the only thing that brings and keeps two people together! Good Sermon brotha jimmy!

Posted by Anita Nicole on Sunday, September 17, 2006 - 10:10 PM

Depends on your congregation, but over half may have dismissed you after your first statement.

"A man gets married and thinks his wife will never change; a woman gets married and thinks her man will."

Very good sermon Reverend and one that should be blasted over the airways in whatever way needed to reach deaf ears. I actually thought much about this very topic recently and implemented your proclamations. (That I did it before your sermon was read points to evidence of reality where time does not exist - as if I heard what you said before you said it.) A few weeks ago I had a really long conversation with a girl I have known for about three years. Over that time we grew close and I asked her out. The first time was a "no." After that I didn't ask her out, but just talked about going out. I really liked this girl, but we came to the conclusion through communication that we would never work out. Each of us was to the other person "too stubborn" in our beliefs and desires. I wish it could have worked out for their were so many things about this girl I liked, but the most important things were different between us.

I have often heard this certain wise man say (a priest who I assist at weddings) that "a marriage is not between two people, but between three persons - the third one being God."

God is Love. So this begs me to ask, if a husband and wife reject God, are they rejecting true love.
Posted by Bert on Sunday, September 17, 2006 - 11:09 PM

Hey! I so agree with you on the love is not all you need. I was friends with a guy once for 10 years, in a relationship with him for 6 engaged 1 year. I love him very much. He was my best friend and high school love. We were the couple everyone hated because we complimented each other so well. But one day he became very bipolar and changed 180 degrees. In this situation all the years of love wouldn't change the person he had turned into. He didn't want to get help and I feared for my safty living with this new person. so, i called it quits. In alot of situations love is only a very thick string strung on the rope of a relationship. The string can always break at anytime over anything. All you can do is except its over. Cherish the time you did have love. Try to find the best parts you loved about love with an open mind and heart. Keep them in mind and move on with your life and be open to share yourself with someone new eventually. One day I hope to find that one in a million guy to put up with me. But I also learned its ok to be alone to. When that one in a million guy just walks into my life at first nobody knows who they might be untill you get to know them. Compare goals and everything in life you at that person might want or need out of or in life. Marrige is so over rated. Its a vision people think is pretty but get lost in only to get hurt unless they see clearly
Posted by [USER NO LONGER EXISTS] on Sunday, December 03, 2006 - 1:10 AM

Reverend Jims's Sermon 1

Originally posted: Wednesday, September 06, 2006

My children, the Reverend Jim has decided to start posting sermon's on his blog section. These sermon's will vary with topic and with day of posting, but the Reverend will do his best to make a new posting every couple days. If any of my Congregation has any suggestions for topics, the Reverend is ecstatic to hear them, and will write about as many of them as he can. Read on to find the topic of the Reverend's first sermon!!

The Reverend comes before his congregation today with an annoyed heart. It seems there is a problem on MySpace that nobody wants to address. While people are busy bashing MySpace trackers, and people who post 50 bulletins a day, not to mention the millions of people that add just for the sake of having more friends (don't misunderstand, those people deserve any crap they get, and they will get their just desserts in the end). No, the plight on MySpace of which I speak today is that of the Webcam Whore!!!

We all know who the Webcam Whores are. Those girls who go around and add random people, especially guys, to their page, even though they never actually do anything on MySpace. Their page simply links to a webcam or other various erotic chat method, including IM. These women are horrible, and should not be encouraged, which brings me to my next part of this discussion: the Encouragers.

Those who encourage webcam whores are just as bad as the whores themselves! If you have ever added a webcam whore to your friends list, you are an encourager. If you have ever posted a comment on a webcam whore's page, you are an encourager. If you have ever put a webcam whore on your top friends list, you are the worst kind of encourager!!! Before you add a webcam whore to your friends list, next time, ask yourself: is having this whore on your friends list worth the cost of your SOUL??? Is it worth the cost of the souls of MySpace??? Even worse, is it worth the loss in bandwidth that those whores use up with their useless profiles? People sit there and add random people to their friends list, and then wonder why the MySpace servers are so bogged down? IT'S BECAUSE THEY'RE MORONS!!!

So, in conclusion my children, when you get a request from a girl who is really hot, and dressed scantily, or if when you look at their profile it links to a webcam, don't add them as a friend. You're only encouraging them!!! If you think it might be a legit person, send them a message. If they respond, they're legit. If they don't, they can go to hell.

In Nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen.

EDIT: Interestingly enough, since posting this, i've gotten more adds from webcam whores than I've gotten in the last 4 weeks combined!!! Go figure.

ORIGINAL COMMENTS:

Amen, Rev, preach it! Another sure sign, all their friends are guys - not a single female friend...

Posted by the RBEEC on Wednesday, September 06, 2006 - 5:49 PM

Unfortunately, we live in a world full of Webcams Whores and the only thing we can do is not encourage them like you mentioned, one of the ways being blocking them, so they dont lead the men to temptation later.

Posted by Sangre Taina on Thursday, September 07, 2006 - 12:16 PM

Next time let's have the entire sermon in Latin. j/k

Good message. Modern day version of 1 Cor. 6:12-20. You can always report inappropriate content as well to higher ups, whomever they be.
Posted by Bert on Friday, September 08, 2006 - 7:53 PM

Don't hate, playa - participate!

Posted by Money Burns on Monday, September 18, 2006 - 10:06 AM

Welcome to Blogger

Hello my children. As you can see, the Reverend has graduated from MySpace blogs to Blogger. The good news is, the Reverends old Sermons will be transferred over to the new site, and the Rev will do his best to bring over the comments that were associated with each post as well as the MySpace name of the poster. The bad news is, the date posted will appear as posted in the next few days. Fortunately, the Rev will be posting each one with the original posting date.

What was the reason for the changeover? Well, frankly, the Rev has realized most people no longer check MySpace anymore, and the Rev is a bit of an attention whore with his sermons. He thinks he'll get more readers this way.

So tell your friends, and make sure to subscribe to the Rev's postings!

In Nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen.