My Third Sermon

Originally Posted Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Good day my children! The Reverend apologizes for such a long sabbatical from his sermons, but fear not for he is back! Today, the Reverend writes about a topic that is very important to him, and i'm sure important to many members of my congregation! It's a topic that was big in the media a few weeks, and has since died down, but has been around as long as the internet, and will be around til the internet dies. I'm talking about dumbass grown men that look for young girls online, and try to have sex with them.

What is wrong with these so called "people"? What posesses them to get online and try to find 14-17 year old girls to prey on? Can they not get girls that are their own age? Is their penis so small that only a 14 year old would be impressed by it? Even if what they say is true, and their intentions are not to have sex witht he girls, why would you want to be friends with 14, 15, 16 year olds?? Their idiots! They don't have interesting stuff to talk about! Their in high school, they don't know shit about shit, and most of em wouldn't know reality if it walked up to them and punched them in the face!! But just in case you doubt my truth telling, here is a sample of an actual IM chat between two 16 year old girls:

SwTPrinCesS18: LiKe, OMG! did u c what juli was waring to skool today??
UrLuvBunny5: like, I totally did! wha a lil skank! totally!
UrLuvBunny5: and did u c how she was all up on jasn, that slut
SwTPrinCesS18: siriusly. so, like, whad are u up to 4 tonight?
SwTPrinCesS18: OMG, r u kiddin?!?!!?? the new season of the OC starts tonight!!! LIKE OMG WHAT IS WRONG WITH U????!?!?!?!?!?!?!
UrLuvBunny5: OMG, I LIK TOTALY FRGOT!! IT'S TONIGHT!?!??!! wanna come over and watch it? maybe i can get my brothr to by us sum wein coulers!
SwTPrinCesS18: OOOH, that wuld be sooo awesum! mayb i shuld get him to by em. ur bro is hottt:-p!!!
UrLuvBunny5: like, ewwwwww!!!

Yeah, i wanted to kill myself after reading it too. But, this is a typical conversation between mindless 16 year old girls. I, too, weep for the future.

Back to my point, why would anybody actually want to be friends with these people?? Unless you're a guy in High School who's trying to get some, in which case the rules bend slightly regarding what's tolerable. *NOTE: IT ONLY CHANGES THE RULES IF YOU'RE IN THE LEGAL AGE LIMIT OF THE GIRL YOU'RE TRYING TO SCORE WITH!!!!!

Now that we've established that these guys are idiots, let's establish it some more. I'm sure almost everyone here saw, or at least heard of, the dateline or nightline or crapline report about sexual predators who use myspace/AIM/etc. In case you didn't, I'll sum it up for you:

A bunch of dumbass pervs started talking to young girls on MySpace, who were actually undercover investigators, and when the undercover investigators invited the guys dingleberrys over, they busted em for attempting to have sex with an idiot, or something like that.

The story was so popular that the show did several follow ups very quickly following it, in different areas. And ya know what the pathetic thing was? There were different dumbasses every single time!! Are these people so retarded that, despite several shows in which dumbasses just like them get busted, they still talk to, much less go and try to meet, these girls??!?!?! Congratulations my friends, you officially receive the dumbass of the year award.

Though we can put almost all the blame for this onto the shoulders of these perverts, we can't put all of it onto them. There are two groups that must be blamed whenever a girl actually gets molested by a guy off MySpace/AIM/etc. And no, it's not MySpace. They are to receive 0% of the blame, and anyone who disagrees with me can take up their argument with the sign on the brick wall next to my apartment that says, "This is the part of the Reverend that gives a crap about your dumbass opinion. Now go to a speed evolution class and develop a damn cerebrum like the rest of the species." No, the other two groups that deserve blame are 1: the dumbass girl, and 2: her dumbass parents.

The parents need to be blamed for not keeping a better eye on what their children are doing. These parents should know how to find out what their kids are doing online, and be able to monitor it. If you don't wanna learn how to do this yourself, you don't have to. There are other people out there that already know. In fact, some of them have been nice enough to package their knowledge into something called "Parental-control software." Much of this software, in fact, is available at your local computer store for a nominal fee. If you purchase this software, and put it on your computer, you can moniter exactly what your kids are doing, right down to knowing every keystroke they type!! Is $29.95 worth knowing your daughter's not getting molested?

Finally, the last of the blame must fall on the idiot girl. Why does a 16 year old want to have 29 or 35 or 45 year old guys as their friends?? these people are boring when you're 16. All they have to talk about is their day at work. They have no interest in the OC, or Justin Timberlake's new CD. Why? Why? Why?

As I close out my latest sermon, I have one thing to add for everyone who was mentioned in this sermon. In the words of Carlos Mencia, you are all a bunch of Dee Dee Dumbasses. Good night, and God Bless every one of you. Except the Pedophile Perverts. God says you all can kiss his ass.

"In Nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen."

P.S.: I've noticed that while many people do read my sermons (13 within 5 minutes of my posting it) only a few people tend to leave feedback! Why do more people not leave it? How else can I find out what you, my readers, like and don't like about my sermons? Hell, if there's a topic you want to see me give a sermon about, leave a comment about it!

Original Comments

:( i just wrote a long response and my browser locked up, and i lost it.

nevertheless, great sermon. reveals both the twisted idea of love and the total desire to satisfy oneself w/o regard for others that plagues this world.

i am surprised you didn't mention the related story getting heavy coverage concerning congress"man" foley et. al. it is one thing for "pedophile perverts" to go after young girls, but what about young guys. now that's gross and a lot more perverted.
Posted by Bert on Friday, October 27, 2006 - 12:27 AM

People don't like commenting... I noticed that a long time ago, when I used to post usefull blogs... I think my useless ones got more comments... I should blog that link from slashdot that I posted as a buliten. maybe people will stop bitching about how shit happens to their myspace...
Posted by Brad on Tuesday, October 31, 2006 - 12:37 AM