Never in my life have I cheated on a girlfriend. Never in my life have I given thought to cheating. I've had thoughts while in relationships of "that girl is hot" of course, and perhaps wondered how she would be in bed, but never the thought "I would cheat on my girlfriend with her". Yet in my longest relationship, 3 years long, I had to deal constantly with jealousy and possessiveness. It was one of the biggest things caused our downfall.
I couldn't be a few minutes late getting home without questions of why, where was I, who was I with. I couldn't go out with friends without her needing to come along, to make sure nothing happened and that I was going where I said I was. If it were the modern era, she would demand I enable cell phone tracking so she could always check where I was. She made me feel untrustworthy, and like if I didn't do these things I was trying to hide something, the whole "if you have nothing to hide you have nothing to fear" mentality. It ate away at my self-esteem and self-confidence, made me feel unworthy of love. If I couldn't be trusted, how could I be loved? This ate me up, and took me years to recover from. I suppose in some ways I'm still recovering.
I never asked anything like this of her. I trusted her. As far as I know I didn't have a reason not to. As far as I know she never cheated on me. If she wanted to go out with friends, I was perfectly okay with that. She wanted to go to a club? No problem. As long as she was coming home to me at the end of the night, I didn't see a reason to have a problem. She even had a problem with that mindset! We argued about it constantly! "If you cared about me you'd get jealous. Obviously you don't care" was her battle cry. My reply was "I trust you. If I thought you would cheat on me, why would I date you??" She would have girlfriends tell her how lucky she was to have a guy who didn't get jealous, and she would get mad at them for it!!
I have since learned that her stance on jealousy is not unusual. Some people will have you believe that to be jealous is the ultimate sign that you care for a person. When I ask those same people how it is a sign that you care, their responses are "it's a sign that you love them" and "it makes a person feel desired". These are not answers that show benefits of jealousy though, rather these are signs of the insecurity's of the person answering. That THEY want the person to be jealous so that they can validate something they feel is missing from their own lives. As Francois de La Rochefoucauld said, "Jealousy springs more from love of self than from love of another." These are not valid reasons for the benefits of jealousy!
I am a man who does not believe in the "merits" of jealousy. Jealousy is pointless, and nonsensical. More importantly, I believe jealousy demonstrates a LACK of love, rather than being demonstrative of it as the "pro-jealous" people will have you believe. I am a firm believer that "Love" and "Trust" must go hand in hand in a relationship. You cannot have love in the context of a relationship without also having trust, and jealousy is the antithesis of trust.
When you're starting to get serious and "exclusive" (to pull a Saved by the Bell term out) with a person, one of the most important questions you should be asking yourself about them is:
"When the opportunity to cheat presents itself, what will they do?"
and yes, I did type "when" on purpose. Don't kid yourself, the opportunity to cheat is always there. If your significant other (SO) exists, they have opportunities to cheat on you. If you have an SO that doesn't exist, then jealousy may not be your problem, and you might want to locate a nearby psychiatrist. Just saying.
Some people do, of course, have more opportunity to cheat than others. The more attractive your SO is, the more opportunity they will have. The more they're away from home, the more opportunities they will have. The more power/fame they have (or the higher up on the corporate ladder perhaps), the more opportunities. I'm sure there are more examples, but you get the basic picture. The beauty of the question I pose is that while all of these items will be factors, it ultimately doesn't change anything. Either you believe the person will cheat, or you believe they will not.
I say "you believe" because at the end of the day, that person might still cheat on you when the opportunity comes up. There are no guarantees. A person you have absolute faith and trust in could cheat on you and break the trust. It's all a crap shoot at the end of the day. So why bother with the question at all? Very simple. If you believe somebody will cheat on you when the opportunity presents itself, there's a very good chance that person will cheat on you at some point. Why put yourself through the torture? Isn't it better to live your life and deal with things that happen when they happen, rather than wasting brain power and your health worrying about the things which MIGHT? Plus you have the very distinct possibility of seeing what's NOT there!
What do I mean by that? To quote Johann Christoph Friedrich von Schiller, "O jealousy! thou magnifier of trifles." Life is comprised of a lot of self-fulfilling prophecies. If you think somebody is cheating, you're going to see signs that they are, whether or not they exist. When they don't respond to a text message quickly you'll wonder "is he/she cheating on me?" When they come home from work half an hour late "I bet he was banging some skank". When you go to your SO's company Christmas party, you'll start looking at every person there thinking "is this the homewrecking bitch/bastard?". You see where I'm going here. Not healthy, not useful, and not productive.
This isn't to say you should ignore REAL signs when you see them. A man coming home with lipstick on his shirt that's a color you would never wear. A woman smelling of cologne that you would never wear. Coming home from work early to find your wife with a cowboy hat on going reverse cowgirl with a guy underneath helping her bounce up and down while she screams "YEEEEEE HAWWWW!!!". All signs that something might be going on.
Of course as we all know, the healthy reaction to those signs is to keep it to yourself that you know. To sneak their phones away from them and read their text messages. To sneak into their e-mail and look for messages. To enable the GPS tracker on their phones without telling them and watch it constantly. To put a keylogger on their computer to make sure they haven't created a secret e-mail account. These are all healthy, beneficial, proper responses.
Wait, sorry, I had "healthy" and "unhealthy" mixed up in my mind for a minute. The healthy response when you see a few real signs is to ask them. Listen to them. Watch their body language, especially their eyes. They'll either tell you the truth or lie to you. It's on you to decide which they did. If they have reasonable explanations that you believe, then you have nothing to worry about. If you don't believe their explanations, you need to think about ending it. Trust is something that once it's broken, is extremely difficult to fix, assuming it can be fixed at all. Of course if you believe any explanation for your wife going reverse cowgirl on a stranger, please set up an appointment with a local urologist for a vasectomy. It's not in our species best interest for you to reproduce. Of course, seeing what isn't there isn't the worst potential risk of being jealous.
The jealous person risks a different self-fulfilling prophecy: that their jealousy will push a person to unfaithfulness. If your SO always feels that you're being unfaithful, why not just do it anyway? What will it really change? While this is certainly not a positive reaction to a jealous SO, it does happen. As Gene Tierney says, "Jealousy is, I think, the worst of all faults because it makes a victim of both parties". If your SO doesn't ever cheat, then all you will do is drive him/her away from you, and the healthy response from them to your jealousy will be to end things with you because there becomes a tipping point where a person is just no longer worth it. It's like picking up sand, the harder you squeeze your hand, the faster the sand escapes.
Heinlein says, “Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy - in fact, they are almost incompatible; one emotion hardly leaves room for the other.” The risks of jealousy are many, including driving a great person away from you, possibly into the arms of another, not to mention the risks to your own health that come from the time spent worrying, getting angry, and holding resentment! The rewards are almost non-existent, personally I can't think of any. While everybody is free to make their own decisions, I'm going to stick with my policy of "If I'm dating you, it's because I trust you. The minute I stop trusting you is the minute I end things with you".
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
My 2 Page Self Help Book
On the advice of Mr. James Altucher, I am writing and publishing my own, free, self-help book. This book contains advice, quotes, statements, and occasional anecdotes that I have come across and been told over the last 29 years of being a fly on the wall socially.
Some of these are, to the best of my knowledge, original. Unfortunately over the years I have lost track of which are originals and which are taken from others. Therefore, I am stating up front that very few of these quotes are original text and ideas. Those items for which I do recall the source I will acknowledge. As I am not selling this or claiming any specific part is original, I am hoping I’m not committing plagiarism.
So begins the advice . . .
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you
Okay, I’m pretty sure this one came from the bible, and its application is universal whether or not you’re religious. It should be the single most basic principle every person tries to live by daily. It should be taught all through school and at home. It’s very simple: before you do something, ask how it would make you feel if somebody did it to you. Some things you still have to do (breaking up with a person who is wrong for you) but this will at least get you thinking about a less hurtful way.
Eliminate the impossible. Whatever remains however unlikely must be the truth
This was Sir Arthur Conan Doyle through Sherlock Holmes. One of my all-time favorite statements and one which I far prefer to Occam’s razor. Sometimes a lie can appear much simpler than a complicated truth and you must train yourself to be aware of both.
No matter how bad it seems, it could be worse
This sounds way more pessimistic than it actually is. It’s really supposed to be a reminder that your problems are rarely as bad as they seem, and you need to keep things in perspective. By remembering that there are people much worse off than you are.
Life is 20% what happens to you, and 80% how you react
Ever notice how some people out there always walk around with a smile and seem to be in a good mood? It almost seems as if life always goes their way? Well, you aren’t far from the truth. You might not be able to control everything that happens to you, so you control how you respond. Remember, positivity attracts positivity.
Change is hard, right? WRONG!! CHANGE IS EASY, YOU SUCK!!
A brilliant gem from the writers of the Simpsons. This goes back to the last statement in a lot of ways. People fear change because they’re afraid of losing what they already have. Think about this though: all those things you’re worried about losing, how did you get them? You changed something in your life that caused you to get those things. Styled your hair differently and attracted a mate. Improved a skill and got a better job. What does this tell you? Change isn’t bad. Not changing means you’ll get stagnant, and your mind will atrophy.
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere
This is from Van Wilder. It’s a great thing to say to yourself when you start to fret over things. After saying this, ask yourself “Is there anything I can do about X”, X being that problem that was worrying you. If the answer is no, stop worrying. What will happen will happen. If the answer is yes, stop worrying and do something. Then when you’ve done that, ask yourself the question again. Keep asking until the answer is no. Then in the end you can say to yourself “I did everything I could. I will never be able to look back and say ‘if only I had . . . ‘”. Then you can start to live with no regrets, and you’ll discover that is the only life worth living!
Perspective changes perception
Have you ever noticed how two people can be looking at the exact same thing, and see two completely different things? It’s a crucial part of most therapy. Rorschach tests are some of the better known examples, and there are many optical illusions that do the same thing. Well, it doesn’t just happen there, it happens with everyday situations. Go people watching with a friend sometime. Look at the people around you and try to figure out what they’re doing, saying, or talking about. I’m willing to bet that the two of you will come up with two completely different backstories. That’s because you’re each bringing your own life stories and (here it comes) perspective to the situation!
We all need to be mocked from time to time, lest we take ourselves too seriously
This one is courtesy of George R.R. Martin through Tyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones. Mockery by those who mean no true harm by it can be truly be one of the greatest things a friend can do for another friend. It helps keep us all in check, and keeps our egos from getting too big. I’m willing to bet that most people who others can’t stand to be around simply didn’t get the proper mocking growing up. And this leads me into the single most important piece of advice here (except the first one of course):
Get over yourself
You’re not that big of a deal, and people don’t care about what you do as much as you like to think. So get over yourself and get on with life!
How do you get over yourself? Do something twice a week that breaks your normal pattern. Wear an outfit that you definitely CAN’T pull off, and wear it proudly. Be seen in it! If you don’t want to do it in your own city, take a drive to a city an hour or two away. You’ll never see the people there again, so why care what they think about you? Visit a place you never thought you’d want to go to. Buy a round of drinks for complete strangers. Browse Groupon and Living Social for deals on things you wouldn’t think you’d do, and do them! It’s only a few dollars, and there’s always more money to be made.
Money is a means, not an end
Any person who thinks of money in and of itself as a goal will die miserably. You can’t think of money as a goal, money is merely a tool to help you achieve goals. It’s true, money doesn’t buy happiness. It’s also true you don’t need money to be happy. Money is used to help us in things that will bring us happiness though. Simple things like saving up to take a trip with friends or to make sure your family is provided for. Even something as simple as buying a round of drinks. Seeing your friends’ happiness should bring you happiness. Remember, money is a means to help you achieve your goals. It should not be your goal. So spend freely! The person who dies with the most doesn’t win.
Strive to disappoint those that expect you to fail
I don't think this needs any explanation . . .
Sometimes in order for a human being to change you have to change from the outside in
Steve Martin said this in My Blue Heaven. Change isn't easy, especially changing something to do with your habits or personality. Sometimes it's easier to change something physical about yourself. Get a different haircut, wear a different style, buy an accessory (hat for example) that becomes a trademark for you. Even something as simple as make the effort to smile, whether or not you feel like it. People will see the smile and smile back, and that will make you feel better. Therefore, a change on the outside creates a change on the inside.
Some of these are, to the best of my knowledge, original. Unfortunately over the years I have lost track of which are originals and which are taken from others. Therefore, I am stating up front that very few of these quotes are original text and ideas. Those items for which I do recall the source I will acknowledge. As I am not selling this or claiming any specific part is original, I am hoping I’m not committing plagiarism.
So begins the advice . . .
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you
Okay, I’m pretty sure this one came from the bible, and its application is universal whether or not you’re religious. It should be the single most basic principle every person tries to live by daily. It should be taught all through school and at home. It’s very simple: before you do something, ask how it would make you feel if somebody did it to you. Some things you still have to do (breaking up with a person who is wrong for you) but this will at least get you thinking about a less hurtful way.
Eliminate the impossible. Whatever remains however unlikely must be the truth
This was Sir Arthur Conan Doyle through Sherlock Holmes. One of my all-time favorite statements and one which I far prefer to Occam’s razor. Sometimes a lie can appear much simpler than a complicated truth and you must train yourself to be aware of both.
No matter how bad it seems, it could be worse
This sounds way more pessimistic than it actually is. It’s really supposed to be a reminder that your problems are rarely as bad as they seem, and you need to keep things in perspective. By remembering that there are people much worse off than you are.
Life is 20% what happens to you, and 80% how you react
Ever notice how some people out there always walk around with a smile and seem to be in a good mood? It almost seems as if life always goes their way? Well, you aren’t far from the truth. You might not be able to control everything that happens to you, so you control how you respond. Remember, positivity attracts positivity.
Change is hard, right? WRONG!! CHANGE IS EASY, YOU SUCK!!
A brilliant gem from the writers of the Simpsons. This goes back to the last statement in a lot of ways. People fear change because they’re afraid of losing what they already have. Think about this though: all those things you’re worried about losing, how did you get them? You changed something in your life that caused you to get those things. Styled your hair differently and attracted a mate. Improved a skill and got a better job. What does this tell you? Change isn’t bad. Not changing means you’ll get stagnant, and your mind will atrophy.
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere
This is from Van Wilder. It’s a great thing to say to yourself when you start to fret over things. After saying this, ask yourself “Is there anything I can do about X”, X being that problem that was worrying you. If the answer is no, stop worrying. What will happen will happen. If the answer is yes, stop worrying and do something. Then when you’ve done that, ask yourself the question again. Keep asking until the answer is no. Then in the end you can say to yourself “I did everything I could. I will never be able to look back and say ‘if only I had . . . ‘”. Then you can start to live with no regrets, and you’ll discover that is the only life worth living!
Perspective changes perception
Have you ever noticed how two people can be looking at the exact same thing, and see two completely different things? It’s a crucial part of most therapy. Rorschach tests are some of the better known examples, and there are many optical illusions that do the same thing. Well, it doesn’t just happen there, it happens with everyday situations. Go people watching with a friend sometime. Look at the people around you and try to figure out what they’re doing, saying, or talking about. I’m willing to bet that the two of you will come up with two completely different backstories. That’s because you’re each bringing your own life stories and (here it comes) perspective to the situation!
We all need to be mocked from time to time, lest we take ourselves too seriously
This one is courtesy of George R.R. Martin through Tyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones. Mockery by those who mean no true harm by it can be truly be one of the greatest things a friend can do for another friend. It helps keep us all in check, and keeps our egos from getting too big. I’m willing to bet that most people who others can’t stand to be around simply didn’t get the proper mocking growing up. And this leads me into the single most important piece of advice here (except the first one of course):
Get over yourself
You’re not that big of a deal, and people don’t care about what you do as much as you like to think. So get over yourself and get on with life!
How do you get over yourself? Do something twice a week that breaks your normal pattern. Wear an outfit that you definitely CAN’T pull off, and wear it proudly. Be seen in it! If you don’t want to do it in your own city, take a drive to a city an hour or two away. You’ll never see the people there again, so why care what they think about you? Visit a place you never thought you’d want to go to. Buy a round of drinks for complete strangers. Browse Groupon and Living Social for deals on things you wouldn’t think you’d do, and do them! It’s only a few dollars, and there’s always more money to be made.
Money is a means, not an end
Any person who thinks of money in and of itself as a goal will die miserably. You can’t think of money as a goal, money is merely a tool to help you achieve goals. It’s true, money doesn’t buy happiness. It’s also true you don’t need money to be happy. Money is used to help us in things that will bring us happiness though. Simple things like saving up to take a trip with friends or to make sure your family is provided for. Even something as simple as buying a round of drinks. Seeing your friends’ happiness should bring you happiness. Remember, money is a means to help you achieve your goals. It should not be your goal. So spend freely! The person who dies with the most doesn’t win.
Strive to disappoint those that expect you to fail
I don't think this needs any explanation . . .
Sometimes in order for a human being to change you have to change from the outside in
Steve Martin said this in My Blue Heaven. Change isn't easy, especially changing something to do with your habits or personality. Sometimes it's easier to change something physical about yourself. Get a different haircut, wear a different style, buy an accessory (hat for example) that becomes a trademark for you. Even something as simple as make the effort to smile, whether or not you feel like it. People will see the smile and smile back, and that will make you feel better. Therefore, a change on the outside creates a change on the inside.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Why the world is full of losers
Originally Posted Tuesday, March 31, 2009
As I walk around in life interacting with people, listening to them babble talk about their lives I started wondering about something: why is everybody I deal with a loser? Is it just a coincidence that every person I deal with is a loser? Possible. Do all the people who are losers happen to gravitate towards me? Also entirely possible. But I have a better theory. It’s not one people are going to like, and it’s going to go against a lot of the pop-psychobabble everybody was raised with about how everybody is special and everybody’s a winner, but it needs to be said. Here it is:
THE WORLD KEEPS REWARDING THEM FOR LOSING!!!
It’s that simple!!
Kids are raised in environments where they’re rewarded for LOSING!! What the hell!! A trophy for last place? What the hell good ever came from getting a trophy for last place??
As far as I know, the psychobabble reasons behind this are that it will help build the kids’ self esteem or some crap like that. Maybe for some kids this actually does help them, I won’t say it doesn’t help anyone. But it seems like for the majority all it does is set them up for disappointment later on in life. It’s setting them up to believe somebody is going to give them something whether or not they’ve done anything to earn it, which I guess is how the real world works, right? Jobs are given away all the time to whoever really really thinks they should have it, right?? Money too. And houses, food, families, and all that stuff.
Wait, that isn’t how it works. So why are we raising kids to think that’s how it works again? Hmmm
I’m not telling you to tell your kids they’re dumb, pathetic, stupid morons. I’m saying to make sure your kids know that life won’t be handed to them on a silver platter. They’re going to have to earn it. Yes, they can absolutely do and achieve anything they want. But it won’t be given to them. If somebody wants to fly a space shuttle, they can! But they need to earn it. They need to have the best grades, the best training, and be in great physical shape to endure the stress. They need to compete for the position. They need to understand that competition is real. And competition is good!
Competition is a great thing. It keeps the world from becoming complacent and bored. Which, as you can see if you look around life, is what we’ve become! Look around almost anywhere and you know what you will see? A lot of bored people. They’re bored because they don’t comprehend the value of winning in what they do. The stuff that used to be taught early in life when a person is most able to learn it and change their habits isn’t being taught until they’re done with school and are trying to succeed in the real world. This is the first glimpse they get of life as it is.
The moral of all this? Stop letting the next generation grow up believing that failure is ok. Let them know they can succeed, but only if THEY make it happen. Nobody else will.
Unless they're rich that is.
Anyway, that's what I believe. Or this is the late night ramblings of a loser asshole. Call it what you will.
Original Comments
Hear, hear!
Posted by the RBEEC on Wednesday, April 01, 2009 - 10:56 AM
As I walk around in life interacting with people, listening to them babble talk about their lives I started wondering about something: why is everybody I deal with a loser? Is it just a coincidence that every person I deal with is a loser? Possible. Do all the people who are losers happen to gravitate towards me? Also entirely possible. But I have a better theory. It’s not one people are going to like, and it’s going to go against a lot of the pop-psychobabble everybody was raised with about how everybody is special and everybody’s a winner, but it needs to be said. Here it is:
THE WORLD KEEPS REWARDING THEM FOR LOSING!!!
It’s that simple!!
Kids are raised in environments where they’re rewarded for LOSING!! What the hell!! A trophy for last place? What the hell good ever came from getting a trophy for last place??
As far as I know, the psychobabble reasons behind this are that it will help build the kids’ self esteem or some crap like that. Maybe for some kids this actually does help them, I won’t say it doesn’t help anyone. But it seems like for the majority all it does is set them up for disappointment later on in life. It’s setting them up to believe somebody is going to give them something whether or not they’ve done anything to earn it, which I guess is how the real world works, right? Jobs are given away all the time to whoever really really thinks they should have it, right?? Money too. And houses, food, families, and all that stuff.
Wait, that isn’t how it works. So why are we raising kids to think that’s how it works again? Hmmm
I’m not telling you to tell your kids they’re dumb, pathetic, stupid morons. I’m saying to make sure your kids know that life won’t be handed to them on a silver platter. They’re going to have to earn it. Yes, they can absolutely do and achieve anything they want. But it won’t be given to them. If somebody wants to fly a space shuttle, they can! But they need to earn it. They need to have the best grades, the best training, and be in great physical shape to endure the stress. They need to compete for the position. They need to understand that competition is real. And competition is good!
Competition is a great thing. It keeps the world from becoming complacent and bored. Which, as you can see if you look around life, is what we’ve become! Look around almost anywhere and you know what you will see? A lot of bored people. They’re bored because they don’t comprehend the value of winning in what they do. The stuff that used to be taught early in life when a person is most able to learn it and change their habits isn’t being taught until they’re done with school and are trying to succeed in the real world. This is the first glimpse they get of life as it is.
The moral of all this? Stop letting the next generation grow up believing that failure is ok. Let them know they can succeed, but only if THEY make it happen. Nobody else will.
Unless they're rich that is.
Anyway, that's what I believe. Or this is the late night ramblings of a loser asshole. Call it what you will.
Original Comments
Hear, hear!
Posted by the RBEEC on Wednesday, April 01, 2009 - 10:56 AM
Tips to survive holiday Travel
Originally Posted Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Hello my children, the Reverend is back for another Sermon, this one relating to the upcoming Holiday Season very much. This is a partial rant on stupidity, and a partial Travel Tips guide from the Rev himself.
For those of you who don't know, the Reverend travels quite often, particularly lately. In fact, since 9/11, the Rev has taken over 50 trips, and in that time has learned a few tips for dealing with airport security. But first: the rant:
How dumb are some of these people at the airport?? Do you seriously not realize that you need to take your jacket off when going through the metal detector?? And why would you bother arguing with the TSA people on this one!?!?!!?? Not only will it not get you anywhere, you'll serve to only piss off these people, and the people behind you!! No sympathy will be gotten from any direction!!
Now that the Rev's Rant is over with, here is the greatest tip list you'll ever need to get through airport security quickly and with minimum hassle.
1) Liquids
-According to current TSA guidelines and regulations, you are allowed to bring liquids on a plane, if they are 3 oz's or less, and all bottles are in a clear plastic container, and Lindsey Lohan is not in rehab (not sure about the 2nd one). You must pull out your bag of liquids and show them to the TSA representative. This step is referred to as a "time waster". My response is much simpler: How the hell many liquid products are you going to need on this plane ride??? Seriously!!
Conclusion: Pack your damn liquids in your checked in bag. Jackass.
2) Arriving at the airport early
-Some people you talk to will tell you to arrive at the airport at least 2-3 hours before your departure time. I like to refer to these people as "dipshits who obey whatever CNN commands them to do yet don't know shit about shit". I have never arrived at the airport (by at the airport, I mean at the counter checking in my bags) more than an hour before any flight i'm supposed to take. I've missed one flight in my entire life. There is no reason to arrive at the airport that early, unless you enjoy sitting around twiddling your thumbs endlessly for hours. I personally have better things to do.
Conclusion: There's no need to be at the airport more than an hour or so before your flight departs. None. At all. No, not that reason either. No, you're an idiot.
3) Don't be cheap. Use the skycaps. And tip them well.
-I think that speaks for itself. Oh wait, you're probably dumb. The skycaps are the people outside the airport who grab your bags from the car. Most airlines have them. Some airlines have started charging a $2/bag fee for using skycaps. This fee is completely worth it, every penny. Especially if you only have one bag to check in. They'll take care of checking your bags, and printing up your boarding passes. Tip them well for this. Remember, you're paying for the convenience of not waiting in line inside. I usually give them $5 and tell them to keep the change (for those of you that are bad at math, that's a $3 tip).
4) Going through security checkpoints
-People get so daunted by security checkpoints it makes me actually laugh. Going through security is simple if you just follow my simple rules. They are listed below:
-With the exception of your ID and boarding pass, move everything from your pocket into your carry-on or purse. Trust me. Nobody find it amusing watching you refill your pockets while blocking everybody else
-Wear shoes you can easily slide on and off. Assume you will have to remove your shoes, and in fact, prepare to do so while waiting in line by untying your shoes while standing there. It saves time, trust me. Best time saver, of course, is to wear shoes without laces. Also, if you're wearing a belt with a metal buckle, take that off while waiting in line. You'll have to take it off anyway, may as well save time (mine mostly because then i'm not stuck behind you while TSA explains why you need to take it off).
-If you travel with a laptop in your carry on (guilty), you will be required to take it out before your bag goes through the X-ray. Save time by taking it out while waiting in line (are we noticing a pattern here yet?).
If you follow my tips, once you get to the table before the X-ray is very easy. You grab a tray, place your laptop in it, place your shoes on top of the laptop, place your belt on top of the shoes, possibly get another tray if you have a jacket, and walk through the metal detector (but keep your boarding pass in hand. You'll need it.). If everybody followed these tips, there would be no security delays in airports.
Conclusion: Do as much as you can to save time while waiting in line. You're not doing anything else anyway!
5) After security
-After you've gone through the security checkpoint, most people stop at the receiving area to put everything back on and in. Don't do this. Go out to the benches and chairs that are nearby (yes, there are some there. Look for them.). Go do it over there. Stay out of everybody else's way while cleaning up people. In fact, stay out of everybody else's way in general. Please. Especially mine.
I certainly hope these tips will make your holiday travels much easier. If you follow them, you've done your part to make everybody's life significantly easier. Remember, with these tips, pass them along to as many people as you can!!
In Nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen.
Hello my children, the Reverend is back for another Sermon, this one relating to the upcoming Holiday Season very much. This is a partial rant on stupidity, and a partial Travel Tips guide from the Rev himself.
For those of you who don't know, the Reverend travels quite often, particularly lately. In fact, since 9/11, the Rev has taken over 50 trips, and in that time has learned a few tips for dealing with airport security. But first: the rant:
How dumb are some of these people at the airport?? Do you seriously not realize that you need to take your jacket off when going through the metal detector?? And why would you bother arguing with the TSA people on this one!?!?!!?? Not only will it not get you anywhere, you'll serve to only piss off these people, and the people behind you!! No sympathy will be gotten from any direction!!
Now that the Rev's Rant is over with, here is the greatest tip list you'll ever need to get through airport security quickly and with minimum hassle.
1) Liquids
-According to current TSA guidelines and regulations, you are allowed to bring liquids on a plane, if they are 3 oz's or less, and all bottles are in a clear plastic container, and Lindsey Lohan is not in rehab (not sure about the 2nd one). You must pull out your bag of liquids and show them to the TSA representative. This step is referred to as a "time waster". My response is much simpler: How the hell many liquid products are you going to need on this plane ride??? Seriously!!
Conclusion: Pack your damn liquids in your checked in bag. Jackass.
2) Arriving at the airport early
-Some people you talk to will tell you to arrive at the airport at least 2-3 hours before your departure time. I like to refer to these people as "dipshits who obey whatever CNN commands them to do yet don't know shit about shit". I have never arrived at the airport (by at the airport, I mean at the counter checking in my bags) more than an hour before any flight i'm supposed to take. I've missed one flight in my entire life. There is no reason to arrive at the airport that early, unless you enjoy sitting around twiddling your thumbs endlessly for hours. I personally have better things to do.
Conclusion: There's no need to be at the airport more than an hour or so before your flight departs. None. At all. No, not that reason either. No, you're an idiot.
3) Don't be cheap. Use the skycaps. And tip them well.
-I think that speaks for itself. Oh wait, you're probably dumb. The skycaps are the people outside the airport who grab your bags from the car. Most airlines have them. Some airlines have started charging a $2/bag fee for using skycaps. This fee is completely worth it, every penny. Especially if you only have one bag to check in. They'll take care of checking your bags, and printing up your boarding passes. Tip them well for this. Remember, you're paying for the convenience of not waiting in line inside. I usually give them $5 and tell them to keep the change (for those of you that are bad at math, that's a $3 tip).
4) Going through security checkpoints
-People get so daunted by security checkpoints it makes me actually laugh. Going through security is simple if you just follow my simple rules. They are listed below:
-With the exception of your ID and boarding pass, move everything from your pocket into your carry-on or purse. Trust me. Nobody find it amusing watching you refill your pockets while blocking everybody else
-Wear shoes you can easily slide on and off. Assume you will have to remove your shoes, and in fact, prepare to do so while waiting in line by untying your shoes while standing there. It saves time, trust me. Best time saver, of course, is to wear shoes without laces. Also, if you're wearing a belt with a metal buckle, take that off while waiting in line. You'll have to take it off anyway, may as well save time (mine mostly because then i'm not stuck behind you while TSA explains why you need to take it off).
-If you travel with a laptop in your carry on (guilty), you will be required to take it out before your bag goes through the X-ray. Save time by taking it out while waiting in line (are we noticing a pattern here yet?).
If you follow my tips, once you get to the table before the X-ray is very easy. You grab a tray, place your laptop in it, place your shoes on top of the laptop, place your belt on top of the shoes, possibly get another tray if you have a jacket, and walk through the metal detector (but keep your boarding pass in hand. You'll need it.). If everybody followed these tips, there would be no security delays in airports.
Conclusion: Do as much as you can to save time while waiting in line. You're not doing anything else anyway!
5) After security
-After you've gone through the security checkpoint, most people stop at the receiving area to put everything back on and in. Don't do this. Go out to the benches and chairs that are nearby (yes, there are some there. Look for them.). Go do it over there. Stay out of everybody else's way while cleaning up people. In fact, stay out of everybody else's way in general. Please. Especially mine.
I certainly hope these tips will make your holiday travels much easier. If you follow them, you've done your part to make everybody's life significantly easier. Remember, with these tips, pass them along to as many people as you can!!
In Nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen.
Think the country is becoming too dumb? I have a solution!!!
Originally Posted Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Well my congregation, having taken a rather long sabbatical from posting new sermons, the reverend has returned! This time, he talks about a subject that could, potentially, save the population of the entire country-nay, the entire world!!!
As I'm sure most of you have noticed, the United States on average is becoming dumber and dumber every year. Yes, you're not the only one who's noticed. The reason you're not the only one is because it is really happening! But never fear my children, as always, the Rev has the answer: Forced sterilization of morons!!
Since we can't just go around randomly killing people for being complete asshats, we can do the next best thing: make sure they don't reproduce. You all know the people i'm talking about too, you see them on TV everyday, in real life, and around the office. Those peole that you look at, and say, "Dear God, I hope he never has kids" or "I feel so sorry for her children!!". The big problem is that these are the people who are most likely to reproduce. If you doubt me, watch the movie "Idiocracy" by Mike Judge, and tell me that you don't see that happen every day.
The movie starts out with a cross section of two american families. One of them is a couple, recently married, husband has an IQ of 148 and the wife has an IQ of 152. Then it flashed to Cletus, IQ of 81. Cletus lives in a trailer park. As of the time of the cross section, he already has 3 children. During the interview, his wife runs out of the house with a positive pregnancy test, while simultaneously the neighbor comes out and announces that she is also pregnant with Cletus' child. We also find out his daughter is pregnant. Now, fast forward 5 years. Cletus currently has 8 children and at least 5 grand children. The intelligent couple thought about having a child, but decided the market wasn't right and it'd be a shame to bring a child into the world at this time. This pattern continues til eventually, the husband dies, and Cletus has 12 children, 20 grandchildren, and a few great grandchildren, and all of them are idiots. Tell me you can't see something like that happening in real life. I dare ya!!
Don't believe me? Sure you do. You just don't want to admit it!! These are the same people who are trying to support a family of 5 on a minimum wage salary, or think it's a brilliant idea to spend more money on rims than they did on the car they're going on, and then wonder why they're constantly broke!! These are the same people who spout out that "things need to be better" without actually giving any solutions for how to accomplish this. Women who get everything based on their looks, but get confused when someone asks them what their address is!!
Now, the question everybody is wondering, is how do we determine who gets to reproduce? Fear not, the Rev has thought about this!! It's so simple, I don't know why no one's ever thought of it before!!! I will decide who gets to reproduce!!! As a man of God, I have divine authority to determine this!!
Don't like that idea? Well, you're off the list of those allowed. Fine, here's another solution: we come up with a set of factors including IQ, a fairly empirical personality profile, violent crime tendencies, severe mental disorders, and finally a psychological evaluation. A panel of expert psychologists then determines whether a person is qualified to reproduce. These tests are to be administered as soon as a person turns 18.
"But Rev, kids can still reproduce when they're in High School and even Junior High! How do we stop the dumbass jock from breeding with airhead cheerleaders??" It's simple. Once a girl reaches age 12, she is immediately put on birth control. Not a pill based birth control, one which is out of the control of the person, thereby leaving nothing to chance.
My plan, if followed correctly, will put an end to several problems beyond simply the problem of idiots being allowed to breed. It will also solve the problem of teen pregnancy, which is always a major concern, it will help solve the overpopulation problem, and finally it will help to put an end to the major problem of girl's faking a pregnancy in order to force a guy to marry her (hopefully these psychos will be caught by a screener). All in all, I believe this is a fairly solid plan.
SO, my congregation, let's all say a prayer that our gov't will realize the error of allowing people who should not have children to reproduce, and step in to stop this from happening any further. Let us pray my children. Thank you
**NOTE: If not enough of the intelligent girls are hot, some dumb hot ones may be exempted from the rule to keep the overall population from getting ugly as necessary**
**NOTE 2: This sermon was not directed at a particular person, just a particular group of people. Idiots. If you think you belong in that group, there's a strong chance you do. If you think you don't belong in the group, there's a stronger chance you do.**
In Nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen.
Original Comments
Well, notice that I said "Severe" mental disorders; specifically ones where a person is either a: a threat to themselves and/or others, or B: their illess is so severe that they need constant surveillance. I include these because mental illness tends to be passed down genetically. I'm not saying if someone has ADD or Dyslexia they're sterilized. Sorry for the mix up!!
Posted by THE Reverend Jim on Wednesday, July 25, 2007 - 2:05 PM
I like it.. now how do we get it on the ballots?
Posted by ~*iceystars*~ on Wednesday, July 25, 2007 - 2:31 PM
Humorous as always, but I'm not sure that I would be willing to trade away a freedom in exchange for a reduction in the number of idiots. Very tempting, mind you, but I don't think I want the government (itself reeking of idiots) to be in charge of something like this...
Posted by the RBEEC on Wednesday, July 25, 2007 - 4:48 PM
I actually support this idea. Although there are some loopholes, I think it would greatly clear up some of the unneccessary overpopulation of the country. We too many idiots alive now to allow them to continue breeding unchecked.
Posted by Jessi on Wednesday, July 25, 2007 - 7:24 PM
The only disadvantages to this plan is that nobody with a brain will want to live under reproductive fascism, leading to a massive brain-drain, and the ultimate collapse of the national IQ. Another problem is a loss of service sector workers, leading to the collapse of food, trash, and sanitation. But other than that it sounds like a winner.
Posted by d on Saturday, December 15, 2007 - 4:28 PM
Well my congregation, having taken a rather long sabbatical from posting new sermons, the reverend has returned! This time, he talks about a subject that could, potentially, save the population of the entire country-nay, the entire world!!!
As I'm sure most of you have noticed, the United States on average is becoming dumber and dumber every year. Yes, you're not the only one who's noticed. The reason you're not the only one is because it is really happening! But never fear my children, as always, the Rev has the answer: Forced sterilization of morons!!
Since we can't just go around randomly killing people for being complete asshats, we can do the next best thing: make sure they don't reproduce. You all know the people i'm talking about too, you see them on TV everyday, in real life, and around the office. Those peole that you look at, and say, "Dear God, I hope he never has kids" or "I feel so sorry for her children!!". The big problem is that these are the people who are most likely to reproduce. If you doubt me, watch the movie "Idiocracy" by Mike Judge, and tell me that you don't see that happen every day.
The movie starts out with a cross section of two american families. One of them is a couple, recently married, husband has an IQ of 148 and the wife has an IQ of 152. Then it flashed to Cletus, IQ of 81. Cletus lives in a trailer park. As of the time of the cross section, he already has 3 children. During the interview, his wife runs out of the house with a positive pregnancy test, while simultaneously the neighbor comes out and announces that she is also pregnant with Cletus' child. We also find out his daughter is pregnant. Now, fast forward 5 years. Cletus currently has 8 children and at least 5 grand children. The intelligent couple thought about having a child, but decided the market wasn't right and it'd be a shame to bring a child into the world at this time. This pattern continues til eventually, the husband dies, and Cletus has 12 children, 20 grandchildren, and a few great grandchildren, and all of them are idiots. Tell me you can't see something like that happening in real life. I dare ya!!
Don't believe me? Sure you do. You just don't want to admit it!! These are the same people who are trying to support a family of 5 on a minimum wage salary, or think it's a brilliant idea to spend more money on rims than they did on the car they're going on, and then wonder why they're constantly broke!! These are the same people who spout out that "things need to be better" without actually giving any solutions for how to accomplish this. Women who get everything based on their looks, but get confused when someone asks them what their address is!!
Now, the question everybody is wondering, is how do we determine who gets to reproduce? Fear not, the Rev has thought about this!! It's so simple, I don't know why no one's ever thought of it before!!! I will decide who gets to reproduce!!! As a man of God, I have divine authority to determine this!!
Don't like that idea? Well, you're off the list of those allowed. Fine, here's another solution: we come up with a set of factors including IQ, a fairly empirical personality profile, violent crime tendencies, severe mental disorders, and finally a psychological evaluation. A panel of expert psychologists then determines whether a person is qualified to reproduce. These tests are to be administered as soon as a person turns 18.
"But Rev, kids can still reproduce when they're in High School and even Junior High! How do we stop the dumbass jock from breeding with airhead cheerleaders??" It's simple. Once a girl reaches age 12, she is immediately put on birth control. Not a pill based birth control, one which is out of the control of the person, thereby leaving nothing to chance.
My plan, if followed correctly, will put an end to several problems beyond simply the problem of idiots being allowed to breed. It will also solve the problem of teen pregnancy, which is always a major concern, it will help solve the overpopulation problem, and finally it will help to put an end to the major problem of girl's faking a pregnancy in order to force a guy to marry her (hopefully these psychos will be caught by a screener). All in all, I believe this is a fairly solid plan.
SO, my congregation, let's all say a prayer that our gov't will realize the error of allowing people who should not have children to reproduce, and step in to stop this from happening any further. Let us pray my children. Thank you
**NOTE: If not enough of the intelligent girls are hot, some dumb hot ones may be exempted from the rule to keep the overall population from getting ugly as necessary**
**NOTE 2: This sermon was not directed at a particular person, just a particular group of people. Idiots. If you think you belong in that group, there's a strong chance you do. If you think you don't belong in the group, there's a stronger chance you do.**
In Nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen.
Original Comments
Well, notice that I said "Severe" mental disorders; specifically ones where a person is either a: a threat to themselves and/or others, or B: their illess is so severe that they need constant surveillance. I include these because mental illness tends to be passed down genetically. I'm not saying if someone has ADD or Dyslexia they're sterilized. Sorry for the mix up!!
Posted by THE Reverend Jim on Wednesday, July 25, 2007 - 2:05 PM
I like it.. now how do we get it on the ballots?
Posted by ~*iceystars*~ on Wednesday, July 25, 2007 - 2:31 PM
Humorous as always, but I'm not sure that I would be willing to trade away a freedom in exchange for a reduction in the number of idiots. Very tempting, mind you, but I don't think I want the government (itself reeking of idiots) to be in charge of something like this...
Posted by the RBEEC on Wednesday, July 25, 2007 - 4:48 PM
I actually support this idea. Although there are some loopholes, I think it would greatly clear up some of the unneccessary overpopulation of the country. We too many idiots alive now to allow them to continue breeding unchecked.
Posted by Jessi on Wednesday, July 25, 2007 - 7:24 PM
The only disadvantages to this plan is that nobody with a brain will want to live under reproductive fascism, leading to a massive brain-drain, and the ultimate collapse of the national IQ. Another problem is a loss of service sector workers, leading to the collapse of food, trash, and sanitation. But other than that it sounds like a winner.
Posted by d on Saturday, December 15, 2007 - 4:28 PM
What the F*** is wrong with people???
Originally Posted Friday, February 09, 2007
So i'm surfing around Craigslist last night looking for an electronic drumset, and I come across one that's a great deal, in a price i will be able to afford, and right in my area of town to boot! I'm thinkin "Perfect, I don't have enough right now, but maybe I can get him to drop the price a little, or if he's willing to hold a deposit until I get the rest of the money" and sent him off an e-mail to that effect. Here, in fact, is the e-mail that I sent him:
Little did I know how completely rude and uncalled for this e-mail was. I mean, how else could a person come up with a reply like this to that e-mail? Here is what he sent back to me:
What the hell kind of mental problems does somebody have to have to reply to a simple question with a threat of killing not only myself, but any children I may have? Seriously. What the hell is wrong with this guy? Has he not gotten any in a few decades or what?
If this baffles you all as much as it does me, please do me a favor: Click Here to go to this asshat's product on CraigsList, and click the prohibited button in the top right corner. Also, if you wanna talk to this guy directly, his name is Alex Barabas, and his e-mail address is alexbarabas@hotmail.com. Please feel free to drop him a line anytime you want, for any reason at all. Thank you all, and have a great day!!
Love,
The Rev
"In Nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen."
EDIT: SUCCESS!!!! This asshat's posting has been taken down!! That'll teach him to mess with the Rev. Also, thanks to my inside sources, I have come across this giant douche's myspace account: Click Here to let him have it through MySpace messages. Enjoy!!
Original Comments:
i was gonna go "prohibit" him...whatever that means, cuz the guy sounds like a complete nutjob, but the listing was already down. yeah....dude was kinda scary...
Posted by MelB on Friday, February 09, 2007 - 2:18 PM
Good for you Buddy!, Losers like that need to be disposed of! See you soon.
Posted by Mike on Friday, February 09, 2007 - 9:03 PM
haha, i hadn't even checked on the status of this guys account in months. I was almost hoping he did try to start something further . . . I could easily get the entire Men's basketball team to watch my back, including most of the coaches. I get the feeling he wouldn't be as tough then.
Posted by THE Reverend Jim on Tuesday, May 29, 2007 - 2:03 PM
People are douchebags.... I'll kick his ass! Did he know that he was talking to a man of God like that?!?!?!
Posted by I fucking hate the cold...... on Wednesday, July 18, 2007 - 8:43 PM
So i'm surfing around Craigslist last night looking for an electronic drumset, and I come across one that's a great deal, in a price i will be able to afford, and right in my area of town to boot! I'm thinkin "Perfect, I don't have enough right now, but maybe I can get him to drop the price a little, or if he's willing to hold a deposit until I get the rest of the money" and sent him off an e-mail to that effect. Here, in fact, is the e-mail that I sent him:
Hello, my name is Jim. I saw the article on Ebay. I'm very interested in your kit, it seems like exactly what i'm looking for (pending, of course, a successful trial). Unfortunately, I won't have the amount you're looking for until next week on payday (next Friday). I don't suppose you'd be willing to go as low as $350? or perhaps work out some kind of deposit? Thanks, let me know
Jim
Jim, I'd like to show you something. It's called a Glock 17 and it takes 9mm cartridges. Show up with $350 and not only will I sell you the "article," but I will also include a free personalized demo of this fine piece. If you give me your social security number, address, telephone number, full name, birthdate, and where your children go to school (probably don't have any since you can't find someone to reproduce with), I will be glad to even deliver this article with some of my friends: The Big One, Jimbo, and Lil' Ty (short for Tyrone Jones). I can't wait to hear back from you.
Love,
Alex
What the hell kind of mental problems does somebody have to have to reply to a simple question with a threat of killing not only myself, but any children I may have? Seriously. What the hell is wrong with this guy? Has he not gotten any in a few decades or what?
If this baffles you all as much as it does me, please do me a favor: Click Here to go to this asshat's product on CraigsList, and click the prohibited button in the top right corner. Also, if you wanna talk to this guy directly, his name is Alex Barabas, and his e-mail address is alexbarabas@hotmail.com. Please feel free to drop him a line anytime you want, for any reason at all. Thank you all, and have a great day!!
Love,
The Rev
"In Nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen."
EDIT: SUCCESS!!!! This asshat's posting has been taken down!! That'll teach him to mess with the Rev. Also, thanks to my inside sources, I have come across this giant douche's myspace account: Click Here to let him have it through MySpace messages. Enjoy!!
Original Comments:
i was gonna go "prohibit" him...whatever that means, cuz the guy sounds like a complete nutjob, but the listing was already down. yeah....dude was kinda scary...
Posted by MelB on Friday, February 09, 2007 - 2:18 PM
Good for you Buddy!, Losers like that need to be disposed of! See you soon.
Posted by Mike on Friday, February 09, 2007 - 9:03 PM
haha, i hadn't even checked on the status of this guys account in months. I was almost hoping he did try to start something further . . . I could easily get the entire Men's basketball team to watch my back, including most of the coaches. I get the feeling he wouldn't be as tough then.
Posted by THE Reverend Jim on Tuesday, May 29, 2007 - 2:03 PM
People are douchebags.... I'll kick his ass! Did he know that he was talking to a man of God like that?!?!?!
Posted by I fucking hate the cold...... on Wednesday, July 18, 2007 - 8:43 PM
The Rev's Christmas Blog
Originally posted Monday, December 25, 2006
Well my children, Christmas has come. The time of year that everyone unselfishly spends their money on friends, family, classmates, and anonymous co-workers (for those offices that do the secret santa thing) in the hopes that the person will spend roughly the same amount of money on something that you want. The time of year for long lines, annoying traffic within 5 miles of any mall, and shoving others aside for that last present. Oh yeah, and some dude was born a few millenia ago. What? the guys name was Jesus Christ? Hey, that's the same as the first few letters of Christmas!! What a coincidence!!! It's not a coincidence? The holiday is named after him?? the hell you say!!
Yes, believe it or not, the purpose for this holiday being named Christmas is, in fact, because this is the day which we celebrate as the birth of Christ! I know, it's hard to believe isn't it? but it's true! Unfortunately, most of the world has forgotten this little fact. And yes, I am aware that we do not know whether or not this is the actual birthdate of Christ, hence the reason I worded it as "celebrate". Does anyone besides the Rev feel as though this isn't Christmas time yet though? In many ways, it just feels like it's any other time of the year. Maybe it's because the Rev is starting to get older, and some of the joy of the holiday will be lost until the Rev starts buying presents for his own children. In about a decade or so.
Maybe it's because of the weather. The Rev, as many of you know, lives in Orlando, FL, a place where it is generally warm most of the year, with this year being a particularly warm winter. In fact, as of Saturday, the Rev was able to comfortably wear shorts outside, and still be somewhat warm. But the Rev is up in Maryland right now with his family, and he notices it's also very warm up here! Normally around this time of the year, it's around the 30's, and the rev has to bundle up in a winter scarf, hat, gloves, and heavy jacket just to survive. Tonight, however, the Rev was able to wander outside for a matter of minutes without so much as a jacket and not be too cold. Something just feels wrong this year. Anybody else feel that way? It feels like the spirit's just missing from this holiday. Maybe i'm just crazy though. Who knows. Either way, it's time for the Rev to go to bed. To all of his loyal readers, the Rev wishes you a Merry Christmas. Those of you who aren't loyal readers, the Rev wishes you'd start becoming loyal readers. He really does.
I know this hasn't been one of the Rev's usual pissed off about something rants that you all know and love, but the Rev just hasn't been pissed off enough about anything in recent weeks. If anyone has any ideas, please send them to the Rev at Jim.TheReverend@gmail.com, or post them as comments to this Sermon. Perhaps the Rev will feel like giving a more appropriate Christmas Sermon later today. And please people, don't forget to buy official Reverend Jim merchandise today at Reverendwear!!! Merry Christmas everybody!!
In Nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen
Original Comments
Nice use of the third person... Brad likes that!
Posted by Brad on Tuesday, December 26, 2006 - 11:46 AM
The Rev always refers to himself in the third person
Posted by THE Reverend Jim on Tuesday, December 26, 2006 - 1:09 PM
Well my children, Christmas has come. The time of year that everyone unselfishly spends their money on friends, family, classmates, and anonymous co-workers (for those offices that do the secret santa thing) in the hopes that the person will spend roughly the same amount of money on something that you want. The time of year for long lines, annoying traffic within 5 miles of any mall, and shoving others aside for that last present. Oh yeah, and some dude was born a few millenia ago. What? the guys name was Jesus Christ? Hey, that's the same as the first few letters of Christmas!! What a coincidence!!! It's not a coincidence? The holiday is named after him?? the hell you say!!
Yes, believe it or not, the purpose for this holiday being named Christmas is, in fact, because this is the day which we celebrate as the birth of Christ! I know, it's hard to believe isn't it? but it's true! Unfortunately, most of the world has forgotten this little fact. And yes, I am aware that we do not know whether or not this is the actual birthdate of Christ, hence the reason I worded it as "celebrate". Does anyone besides the Rev feel as though this isn't Christmas time yet though? In many ways, it just feels like it's any other time of the year. Maybe it's because the Rev is starting to get older, and some of the joy of the holiday will be lost until the Rev starts buying presents for his own children. In about a decade or so.
Maybe it's because of the weather. The Rev, as many of you know, lives in Orlando, FL, a place where it is generally warm most of the year, with this year being a particularly warm winter. In fact, as of Saturday, the Rev was able to comfortably wear shorts outside, and still be somewhat warm. But the Rev is up in Maryland right now with his family, and he notices it's also very warm up here! Normally around this time of the year, it's around the 30's, and the rev has to bundle up in a winter scarf, hat, gloves, and heavy jacket just to survive. Tonight, however, the Rev was able to wander outside for a matter of minutes without so much as a jacket and not be too cold. Something just feels wrong this year. Anybody else feel that way? It feels like the spirit's just missing from this holiday. Maybe i'm just crazy though. Who knows. Either way, it's time for the Rev to go to bed. To all of his loyal readers, the Rev wishes you a Merry Christmas. Those of you who aren't loyal readers, the Rev wishes you'd start becoming loyal readers. He really does.
I know this hasn't been one of the Rev's usual pissed off about something rants that you all know and love, but the Rev just hasn't been pissed off enough about anything in recent weeks. If anyone has any ideas, please send them to the Rev at Jim.TheReverend@gmail.com, or post them as comments to this Sermon. Perhaps the Rev will feel like giving a more appropriate Christmas Sermon later today. And please people, don't forget to buy official Reverend Jim merchandise today at Reverendwear!!! Merry Christmas everybody!!
In Nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen
Original Comments
Nice use of the third person... Brad likes that!
Posted by Brad on Tuesday, December 26, 2006 - 11:46 AM
The Rev always refers to himself in the third person
Posted by THE Reverend Jim on Tuesday, December 26, 2006 - 1:09 PM
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